15 Feb 2023

Work husbands & work wives: is it okay to buy them V-Day cards?

Valentines Day was this week and with it came the usual declarations of love between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends and so on. One new duo that's caused a stir however is that of the 'work husband and work wife' dynamic. What is a 'work spouse?' In one 2006 survey, 32% of workers said they had an 'office husband' or 'office wife'.A CNN Money article characterizes the relationship as having the 'immediate intimacy [of marriage] without commitment.' One source characterizes the relationships as 'platonic, close, opposite-sex couplings, with no strings attached', the phrase is, however, sometimes used for same-sex relationships too. These are people you joke around with, share lunches and find it comfortable to confide in. It may seem innocent enough but studies have shown that a huge 50% of those with a work spouse have also admitted to being romantically attracted to said person, which can be dangerous if you have an actual spouse at home.

"that's outrageous, I can see people who are single doing that, if you're single it's okay to have that kind of fun relationship but if you're married you can't have that." - Limoblaze

This seemingly lighthearted concept all took a turn when this year shops were selling Valentines Day cards for said person, which begged the question: is it okay to have a work spouse at all? One recording artist who said it is not okay if you're actually married is the award-winning Limoblaze. Newly married and now living in the UK, the artist said he would not be okay with his wife buying another man a Valentines Day card for her 'work husband': "that's outrageous, I can see people who are single doing that, if you're single it's okay to have that kind of fun relationship but if you're married you can't have that." Is it Biblical? With definitions saying that a work spouse connection is similar to that of an actual spouse connection as Christians we should remember the biblical definition of marriage, whichinvolves spiritual, emotional, and physical closeness. In the Old Testament we're taught, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh(Genesis 2:24). Married couples are meant to be unified in every possible way, so having another person step in and have this connection with us if we're married takes away from the 'one flesh' dynamic of a husband and wife. So what's the solution? An article in Forbes suggests that labels can be self fulfilling, for example, if you call someone that isn't your husband or wife your spouse you may start to see them in a romantic way, like you would your spouse, but wouldn't had you just called them a 'friend'. Maybe dropping the work spouse label will help avoid crossing lines spiritually and martially. Also, setting boundaries with said person to ensure it remains a platonic friendship and not one that crosses the line of spouse intimacy is one thing that is suggested to do too.Marriage is a beautiful thing between two people, but maybe we should keep it for our personal lives and not bring it to work with us too. Written by Cassandra Maria    
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